So I have been sitting on the computer most of the day, organising websites, all kink based of course. It is only now that I am sitting down with a cup of tea that I have come to a kind of realisation. I am so different from when I started this journey and that’s just fine.
Looking back to the first posts on my website, where I am enthusiastically locking online subs, I can see huge changes.
Now I hardly lock online subs, it’s mainly real life locks at present. I have progressed from simply being a Keyholder to a full blown Dominatrix. I have become a professional Mistress and frequent attendee at fetish clubs.
To sit an look back at my progress, it has been quite remarkable. It is however only this afternoon that I have realised, I have stopped being nervous now. Stopped thinking that I am an interloper in this world. Stopped hiding behind others. I am Mistress Jules, she is me and I am her.
We always knew I was a control freak and pretty much in your face, my mother called me aggressive. I called it not being a doormat. When I became a single parent, my “aggressiveness” got my daughter diagnosed as dyslexic just in time for her qualification exams (two years before she was due to be tested). It made sure our family were dealt with in a timely manner whether by doctors/lawyers/teachers etc. It always felt like a party trick, to only be brought out when someone else needed something, then it could be justified.
Nowadays, my dominance is an enjoyable trait, coveted by some, sought out by others. In recent conversations there have been questions on what I think I would like to learn next. Well Bondage and Whips were top of my list, I really want to do those but need to learn so I am safe when I do so.
Further conversation led to discussions of certain scenarios which are seemingly classed as edge play and quite intense. Hmmm, I hadn’t thought of them like that, I thought of them more as a give and take situation, not particuarly intense or scary, just focused.
This led me to think that I have now taken that step, where I am Mistress Jules, she is not a persona, we are one. It’s lovely to feel comfortable in your own skin, I think I shall stay this way.